Coping With Loss and Suffering

This is a tough one. You lose your job, something dear to you, a family member, a friend. You watch someone suffer or show signs of dementia, or get a horrific diagnosis or injury. Now what? What do you do and how do you justify your actions moving forward?

It is easy to fall victim to the Kubler-Ross' stages of grief. You look for answers that can speak to the flood of emotions in a clinical, dry fashion. Explain the emotions so they can be addressed and understood. Who has the pill that will make it all go away?

The short answer is you. You have the ability to control your destiny by finding meaning in the loss. Whatever it may be. After living through the Nazi occupation and surviving the perils of a concentration camp during WWII, Victor Frankl observed one key thing that set people apart when they were in a world of despair. When loss and suffering permeated every moment of a person's existence, he noticed that some people would endure unspeakable hardships and retain a will to live while others would give up from the inside out.

Those who survived, those who endured, those who made it out alive had one thing in common - purpose. His studies and his work Man's Search for Meaning, set the stage for another arm of psychotherapy known as Logotherapy. The search for meaning in suffering as a means for survival. It is now a mainstay in the psychology realm and is at the heart of dealing with loss and suffering.

As parents, we must be able to convey to our kids the ability to understand suffering, loss, and death. But more importantly it is our duty to help them to find purpose. When all seems lost, they must find purpose within. This is the freedom that can never be taken away-even as a prisoner. In time, I will have to face the loss of my parents. And my kids will have to face the eventual loss of their father. Me. But when I am gone I will know in my heart that I've helped to build purpose in the hearts of my kids. Just like you can. Help them to understand the value of life, time, energy, emotion.

When the world as they know it comes crashing down before them, you may not be there to hold their hand through it. Build resilience in their life by allowing them to feel, absorb and respond rather than hiding these truths and hardships that are a constant part of life. Instead, take the opportunities at your fingertips to help explain loss and suffering and what it takes to pull through. Lead by example. Leave a legacy. Be a survivor.

Episode 11 - Coping With Loss and Suffering